FALLING RAIN: Chapter Eight - "Killing Me"

“Falling Rain” - Danny Saucedo and Eric Saade fanfiction story written by Nika H, the admistrator of “Danny Saucedo Fans” at facebook: www.facebook.com/DannySaucedoFans.

Please, do not repost, copy, and/or change any part of this material without asking permission and crediting ME and “Danny Saucedo Fans”.

All events described here are purely fictional, unfortunately :(

Copyright © by Nika H, “Danny Saucedo Fans”.

Chapter Eight – Killing Me

-“What?” Danny asked me again.

-“It will not work this way. I’m sorry.” I repeated, and closed my eyes.

-“Why?” He asked, with that tone... fading away, that has alarmed me.

-“If there’s something that binds you, and does not allow you to be yourself, completely... with me. We simply can’t be, and you know it. How can love surrender in the atmosphere of self-denial?” I responded.

Danny did not answer. He simply closed his eyes. We were sitting infornt each other silently. I felt horrible for telling those cruel words that stabbed his alreeady bleeding heart. I felt horrible.

How could you do this?

He looked so tired, so hurt, so weak. Never, not even after that remarkable day of the car accident – he never looked that bad.

-“Te amo...*” He said suddenly, and sighed. It seemed to be that it was the last thing he would say, from his tone, which alarmed me immdiately.

I would not let this happen. Costs what it costs me.

-“You, don’t dare! I said no! Don’t even think of whatever you are thinking now. Please, don’t deny... I know your exact thoughts. You may remain silent, but I still can here you.”

-“Can you stop me?”

-“Yes. I can. I will never let you go.”

-“Why all of a sudden you-“

-“Because I love you. Period. Now, let’s get out of here. Let’s go to a new place, were we can be completely alone, when nobody knows us – let’s... But, before we do, you have a phone-calling session to Janna, Molly, London, Sweet, Young, Erik and Matte. Enjoy. Somebody, who is not me, has to explain few things to them.”

-“Why are you so cruel?” He said, laughed, and hugged me. –“I love you my cruel Manboy...” He said, and reached for my lips. We kissed.

In the first time since HellKnowsHowMuchTime – We kissed. It felt so good.

I realised how I missed those pink soft lips, these bright blue eyes.

This man, with that dirty smile across his face.

I missed him.

But now, he’s back.

And this time, I’ll make sure it is forever.

-“Nunca te dejaré ir, nunca, mi amor...**”  He whispered softly to my ear.

-“What’s up with the spanish thing today?” I asked, hugging him.

-“I’m tired, and when I am tired – I speak in my native language. Lo siento***. Guess who missed language classes during school!”. He said, and laughed.

-“I didn’t! I studied German!” I insisted.

-“And all you can say is...” He begun to say, and raised an eyebrow.

-“Ich heisse Eric.” I admit.

-“Not bad.” He said, in a sarcastig tone.

-“I know right? By the way, dear, the phone is waiting for you.” I reminded him.

-“God damn it!” He said, and sighed, as if he was about to lift heavy weight.

-“Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.” I said, being mean.

-“Damn it!” He responded, thinking of the revange.

-“The phone...” I begun to say.

-“Alright, alright.” He said and pick up the phone, and started calling.

-“Hej London. Look I-“ He greated Peter on the phone, which surprised me a bit. Why wouldn’t he call Janna? I have to admit it worried me a bit.

-“It’s a long story, and don’t worry man, I’m alright. Can you please do me a huge favour? I’m heading out of town-“ He begun to explain, but probably Mr. London had interrupted him.

-“No! No! Relax, I mean we are heading out of town. I mean, I am with Eric here.” Danny calmed him, I could imagine what Peter thought by the words “I’m heading out of town.” since it was the exact words Dave had said to all his family and friends in Stockholm when he went to Uppsala, and he did not comeback...

-“No, not Young. Eric Saade.” Danny answered Peter.

-“I told you it’s a long story...” He begun to explain, nervously.

-“Yes, we are... Now, can you do me a huge favour? Dial Janna, Molly, Erik and Matte and you know, the rest of the peeps and tell them I’m alright. Don’t worry, everybody knows, and if not... Tell them the whole story. I am sick of hiding.” WHAT?!  This was the phrase I absolutely did not except from Danny. My jaw dropped in shcok, and I forgot how to close it. I sat, next to Danny, gazing at him with shock. WHAT?!

-“I’ve changed.” Danny has replied, to me and Peter at the same time. Wow, this was quick.

-“Yes, absolutely. No more hiding, I am who I am – and who ever has problems, is invited to jump off the hill...” He stated, and smiled his usual, super-confident, and a bit dirty smile I admired so much.

-“Haha, yes, I am a real rockstar now.” He replied to Peter’s surprise, “is invited to jump off the hill...” was not Danny’s expression but rather Dave’s.

-“Let’s... Let’s wait with this discussion for after I get back. Please.” What discussion? I wondered.

-“Thanks Mr. London, and no – I don’t even know where Eric is taking me, how can I know where we are coming back? One thing for sure, it will not be a while.” He told Peter. To be honest I did not know where I was taking him aswell.

-“Sure, thank you again, goodbye.” He thanked Peter.

-“Yeah, see you. Goodbye.” Danny ended the call.

-“What discussion?” I asked him. –“If... it’s not a secret or something...” I added.

-“Haha, no, I’ve got no secrets from you, boy. The discussion about my musical future...” Danny said and sighed. –“Can we leave it aswell...? I want it to be just you and me, let’s leave the rest for... later.” He added, asking me.

-“Of course!” I agreed.

-“So, where are we going? Peter thinks we are sneaking off to Vegas.” Danny said as we both laughed.

-“That’s an idea. To be honest with you, I haven’t thought about an exact location... Where would you want to go?” I questioned him.

-“A place when nobody knows us, where we will be completely alone.” He answered.

-“Same here. Any ideas?” I responded.

-“I always wanted to visit Bolivia, my homeland.” Danny said, after thinking a bit.

-“Great!” I said, and reached for the phone.

-“We are going there? Seriously?” He asked, a bit surprised, and ridiculously happy.
If visit to Bolivia makes him so happy, I will make sure personally we go there every month I thought to myself.

-“Yes. I will order the tickets and you, do me a favour, start packing please. Otherwise we will fly with no clothes and will walk naked at the streets as a result.” I said, and laughed at my own imagination.

-“Hmmmm... Good idea.” Oh, I should have known he would answer something like this. I was speaking with Mr. Danny Saucedo the perverted.

-“You want to be raped so much? There’s no need to walk naked for this, I can do this now.” I said, surprised at my own words that sounded more as if they were his own words.

-“Do it.” Danny demanded and got closer to me, and my heartbeat went totally wild.

-“Pack your stuff please, first.” I said, mainly because I needed time to prepare myself for this.

-“Oh, okay...” He said.

From Spanish:

*I love you.

**I’ll never let you go, never, my love.

***I’m sorry

FALLING RAIN: Chapter Seven - "Over The Rainbow"

“Falling Rain” - Danny Saucedo and Eric Saade fanfiction story written by Nika H, the admistrator of “Danny Saucedo Fans” at facebook: www.facebook.com/DannySaucedoFans.

Please, do not repost, copy, and/or change any part of this material without asking permission and crediting ME and “Danny Saucedo Fans”.

All events described here are purely fictional, unfortunately :(

Copyright © by Nika H, “Danny Saucedo Fans”.

Chapter Seven – Over The Rainbow

I wish there was a way to stop all my tears.

I wish there was a way to wash all my fears.

I wish there was simply another place to live... for me.

I wish the dreams I dreamt would not be wasted.

I wish the voice hope within me would be raised.

I wish simply to follow my own path of life.

I wish my little prayer would be heard at the time.

I’ve done no faults, commited no crime.

Why am I supposed to be the one left behind?

After some time the darknest that seemed to be eternal to me have begun to fade away, slowly, step by step.

My vision was far away from being clear, all I could see was in blur – as a result I could not even tell what it was.

My head was spinning around like a record, and aching – as if somebody was hitting me with a baseball bat.

-“Oh...” I sighed. It was sigh of relief, for being a live. It was a sigh of pain, for being hurt. It was sigh of surprise, for not knowing what is going on.

My vision was still blury, but as time passed some memories ran across my mind.

I clearly remembered the fact I was in the middle of a cold, rainy street – and now, here I am, in a warm, dry sofa.

The blury image confused and annoyed me, so I simply closed my eyes.

Letting myself daydream a bit, waiting for the sanity to find him.

The only thing I could take for granted was me being alive.

What? Why? How? When? I left all the questions for... later.

-“Danny, are you alright?” I heard someone saying, asking me, and interrupting my thoughts. In ages and ages hence, no matter in what condition I am – I would recognize this voice.

-“Eric?” I asked, hesistantly – feeling my heartbeat rising through my skin.

-“Yes, are you alright?” He replied, re-asking his question.

-“Well... more or less.” I said, trying to avoid the question – since I was a bit worried by Eric’s worried tone. I did not want him to suffer because of me.

-“Don’t lie.” Eric said, in a sharp tone. I was about to argue, but his face expression and voice tone was enough for me to understand he knew it all.

I was neither brave, nor strong enough to speak –  I remained silent.

His beautiful face; those wonderful dark brown eyes – deep like an ocean, full of love and care, those pink lips that tasted like paradise. Everything, everything in him, like a wave – destroyed the shied a built for myself.

-“Why, Danny, tell me, why?” He asked me, in a broken voice.

-“There was no other way for me. You know it yourself.” I answered, trying to sound cooler than ice, yet feeling the sorrow burning under my skin.

-“It can’t be true, Danny. There is always a way. There must be another way.” He said, protesting.

-“Please, do me a favour and stop sounding like a fairytale! We are both grown up adults, we all not that life is not like a movie with an happy end!” I replied, angrily.

-“Yes, life is not like a movie with an happy end, but one always has a choice! You choosed the wrong road-“ He continued arguing.

Why was he trying to proove me there is still a hope where infact there wasn’t?

-“I chosed the right direction for me. Now, I’m following it. What if I told you I want it that way? What if I told you I want to be lost?” I protested, furiously.

-“One says they are lost, when one wants to be found. Really, Danny, who do you think you are fooling now?” He said, and I, I wanted to answer.

But there was nothing I could add, knowing he was right.

Really, who do I think I am fooling now?

I was not angry with Eric for trying to change my mind, and telling me what to do, I realised. I was angry with Eric for the same reason, the same reason that almost lead me to the end of the road.

Again, I caught myself simply scared admiting my own feeling, my own emotions, scared of believing – in whatever it is.

I thought I lost my faith in everything, infact – It was nothing more than what I made myself believe in. I was wrong, mistaken.

I wanted to lose myself, that’s true, only my real intention was to be found.

-“Myself, probably.” I said, and looked down.

-“Most likely. This discussion will get us nowhere. Why cannot we simply talk things over?” Eric asked me, softly.

-“Why indeed?” I replied, and smiled at him sadly.

-“What happened Danny?” Eric re-asked me.

-“Come on tell me the truth... Set your body free...” Eric adressed me, almost begging.

-“And the truth will set me free?” I responded, trying to sound sarcastic.

-“Yes, that’s correct!” Eric asnwered, happy of the change in me.

-“Haha, let’s see!” I answered him, and sighed.

-“Oh, now you sound familiar!” He replied and we both laughed.

It has been a long time since he came around.

It has been a long time, and this time, I am not leaving without him.

-“Do you know what is like when time is running out? Do you know what it’s like when you are in a race – against the time, against the world, against them all.

I gave my best, I swear I did... only it was not enough. It was never enough. Tell me a reason to hold on my tears? Tell me what could silence all my fears?

Tell me, is there a truth, or hope for me? Tell me, is there another world for me to live?” I said, and stopped, unable to continue talking.

-“Darling, there’s always a reason, there’s always a truth, and there’s always a hope. I know, your life seemed to be a like a falling rain, but dear, remember, after a falling rain always comes a rainbow.
After a fog, the horizon can be seen clearer than ever. Beyond the horizon, there’s no pain, there’s pain. There’s a world, for us, to be unite. Beyong the horizon, there’s only love, no hate. There we can be, complete, and shine.

I swear I understand you, I know how you feel but-“ Eric replied, and I interrupted him.

-“Do you know what it’s like when your in the dark, all alone, and all the doors are closed? No light, no life, no anything!” I said, emotionally.

-“The doors might be closed, but you have the key to open them. Even in the darkest room, there’s always a little light – that brings a little life.” He said, and put an arm on my shoulder.

His touch was so soft, so warm. It spread a light, all over me.

He was my kye, that could open all the doors – and bring me back to life.

-“I...” As much as I wanted to open up my heart to him, something always stopped me. This long fear, this thought I should always pretend...

-“There’s something more. What is it Danny? Even in our best periods, in our best moments – there was something.” Eric guesed right. There was.

-“It’s not you, it’s me.” I confessed.

-“It seems to be that as if you have walls surrounding your heart, to protect you from something, from what? Why are you afraid of? Why wouldn’t you let anyone inside?” He asked me.

-“Has anybody been inside your soul?” I asked, avoiding the question.

-“You did. I always told you everything. Right from the start.” He answered.

-“Oh.” Was all I could say – feeling guilty.

-“Set yourself free, Danny.” Eric requested, almost begging.

-“I can’t, Eric. I tried, and I can’t...” I admited.

-“It will not work this way, I’m sorry.” He stated.

-“What?” I asked shocked, sensing the upcoming heartbreak.

FALLING RAIN: Chapter Six - "Falling Rain"

“Falling Rain” - Danny Saucedo and Eric Saade fanfiction story written by Nika H, the admistrator of “Danny Saucedo Fans” at facebook: www.facebook.com/DannySaucedoFans.

Please, do not repost, copy, and/or change any part of this material without asking permission and crediting ME and “Danny Saucedo Fans”.

All events described here are purely fictional, unfortunately :(

Copyright © by Nika H, “Danny Saucedo Fans”.

Chapter Six – Falling Rain

It was just an other ordinary evening, me and Molly were quietly eating our dinner. Unspoken words filled with tension could be tasted in the air since Janna’s visit. None of us dare to mention Danny’s name, but it was still hanging in between the lines.

-“How was your day, Eric?” Molly has asked me.

-“Great.. and yours?” I asnwered, trying to sound natural, but failing.

-“Same here...” Molly said, in what was supposed to be a happy tone – but it ended up being dead.

-“Oh...” Was all I could say in response.

This was our usual conversation, repeated dozens of times daily.

I wasn’t strong enough to handle a conversation about Danny – when the wounds he had trapped deep inside me were still fresh. Molly on the other hand, was afraid of hurting me – knowing already to what it can lead.

But, it wasn’t about me any more. Danny was getting worse as I spoke.

I promised, I swore to both Janna and Peter to do something if they fail, and they did. It was my time, my turn now.

And I knew, deep inside me, that I have no right to fail.

Deep breaths, followed by sighs. I have found all the courage hidden within me, and raised up my voice.

-“Molly, what can I do about Danny?” I asked her directly, catching her off guard. This was clearly that one question she did not except to hear from me.

She looked in my eyes for a long moment silently, and then spoke:

-“Look, Eric – I understand you perfectly, I know how much pain it will cause you but I really thing there’s only one way left, I swear I would not mention it if I thought there is another solution but....” She said, and stopped for a moment.

-“But...?” I pressed her to continue.

-“I think you must speak to Danny.” She added.
Now it was her turn to catch me unprepared. I have to admit that I excepted this answer, but it still caught me off guard.

-“How...?” I asked.

-“Call Janna, arrange a meeting...” Molly suggested.

-“Alright.” I said in agreement and reached for my phone.

I dialed Janna’s number and waited for an aswer, that did not keep me waiting for a long time. Janna has quickly picked up the phone.

-“Hi Janna, look, I want to talk to Danny, now, can you-“ I begun to say, but Janna interrupted me.

-“I don’t know where he is...” She said, in a very... hopeless, lifeless voice that made me worry.

-“Oh, fine... Well, when he comes back, tell him that I-“ I could not finish this sentence aswell, for the same reason.

-“He will not comeback.” She said, in the same tone as before.

I managed hard to keep myself standing on my feet, and not dropping the phone.

-“What?! What do you mean ‘He will not comeback’?” I demanded Janna.

-“He has left me, he has simply walked away. Neither I, neither Peter know where he is. It has been hours. At first, I hoped he may go to you but... then I realised the chances are minimal. I planned to call you, but you were faster.” She explained me the situation, leaving me speechless.

How could this bastard to this? Has he lost his mind? I thought. Fuck you, fuck you Danny Saucedo!

-“I will find him!” I said.

-“How?” She questioned.

-“I don’t know how, but I will, I will find away.” I said, adding in my mind  No matter what it might cause us. I will reach him.

We ended the call, I said no more in addition – besides a promise I made to Janna – calling her whatever happens.

As I walked out the room, I caught Molly’s look on me – He has heard every single word I said, and from her face expression I could tell she understood what had happened.

Therefore, I decided not to waste time on explantions. I leaved my apartment, took my car, and begun to drive it in Stockholm’s streets.

It was cold. It was dark. It was rainy. The falling rain was the tears of sky.

At some point, I have decided it will be better if I search for him in those streets where no cars pass, where no light is seen.

I got out of the car, and simply started walking around the streets.

Dangers did not bother me at all.

I will catch a grenade for you.

I will jump in front of a train for you.

You know, Danny, I’d do anything for you.

Two endless hours passed.

I did not slow down.
I did not turn around.

All of a sudden, I saw a man – lying in the middle of the street. My vision was not enough to see his face, but I knew, I knew I have found him.

I found him. He was lying motionless on the sidewalk. At first, I did not know what to say, I did not posses the power of speech any longer.

What the hell have you done to yourself, Danny Saucedo? I wondered for sometime. Afterwards, a story told a long, long time ago popped in my mind.

“Dave was filling out of control, you know. He had the feeling time was running out, so much he wanted to do... yet he couldn’t. Twenty-four hours were not enough, he needed like... forty-eight. He became really depressed, and later got involved with drugs. Time passed, things got worse, he... locked himself in that God damned room and hanged himself... Oh God...”

“Dave did not have that special person who could hold him here. Unlike you, and unlike Danny.”

Then, I understood everything.

-“Oh, Danny!” I said, feeling my already bleeding heart breaking to piceces. –“Why have you done this to yourself? Why?” I asked him, realised he cannot hear me.

For a moment – I was lost, I did not know what to do.

I did not dare to call both Janna and Peter.

Janna would not handle it, and the memory of Dave still leaves in Peter.

I know what this will do to them, especially if the end will not be... an happy ending. I did not want to be the one to tell it, yet knowing if I, myself, can even handle it.

Also, Danny’s presence was like a knife stabbed straight into my heart – that was already incomplete. His presence effected me like an hurricane, tough he was clearly unconsicious. Suffocated, I was suffocated.

Everything I tried to hide in my self-denial period has droped on me, knocking me to the ground – no escape, no ability to move.

I realised how much love I have for Danny.
I realised that I simply cannot be without him.

What should I do with him? I questioned myself., and after some doubts, I have decided to take him to my studio. The only private place I ever owned in my life.

I lifted Danny carefully, thanking my coach deep in my heart for training me, otherwise I would never be able to do it.

I pulled him in my car, to the sit next to me.

He was still unconsicious – A travveler in another foreign world, far away from ours. A dreamer, seing perphaps sweet dreams or beautiful nightmares.

I caught myself wondering if he will ever comeback to us, or leave us behind – and continue his journey in between the stars, in between the planets...

-“Darling, you just looked for an escape from all the sorrow, from all the pain. All you ever wanted it to fly, fly again. I know it, darling...” I said to him, shedding some tears.

-“Please, Danny, don’t leave me in all this pain. Don't leave me out in the rain.

Come back and bring back my smile. Come and take these tears away....”

Surrounded by a wave of pain, washing me away like a zunami, I somehow have finded to strenght to go on – to keep on driving.

It was the longest, the most exhausting journey in my whole life.

It was the road of life, the road of hope.

When I finally arrived to the studio, I lifed Danny and carefully placed him on my sofa. For a moment, I wondered if I should have called an ambulance – the logical thinking told me I should, why my heart – told me I did just right.

And I? I listen to my heart. How could one’s feeling be wrong?

Danny was still unconsicious. Yet, I have noticed a slight change in his face. His previous expression of pain, that tore my heart has vanished away – and was replaced with a smile. He was dreaming.

-“Oh!” I sighed, with relief, realising he will be alright.

I thanked by name every single God known to me.

I could stay awake, just to hear his breathing.

Watch his smile while he is sleeping,

While he is far away, dreaming...

I simply was not strong enough to resist the smile on his face. He was so beautiful, once again, I stood – amazed by his beauty.

He was an angel. Angel Danny.

I pressed my lips to his forehad and kissed him softly.

-“Te amo...” I whispered in his ear.

No logical explantion for my behaviour has ever existed. I knew it was wrong, I knew I will pay off for it – in the pain that will follow.

But I simply did not care.

My weak resistance, of his flower,
Has gotten me effected,
Because I was so blind to see.

Everyone told me, but did I listen?