FALLING RAIN: Chapter Five - "Lose Control"

“Falling Rain” - Danny Saucedo and Eric Saade fanfiction story written by Nika H, the admistrator of “Danny Saucedo Fans” at facebook: www.facebook.com/DannySaucedoFans.

Please, do not repost, copy, and/or change any part of this material without asking permission and crediting ME and “Danny Saucedo Fans”.

All events described here are purely fictional, unfortunately :(

Copyright © by Nika H, “Danny Saucedo Fans”.

Chapter Five – Lose Control

I don’t want to loose control by falling. I just can’t believe it.

Never thought that I would be the one, falling down.

It was a dark, and a cold afternoon. The rain was washing away Stockholm’s streets. I was standing in the middle of nowhere, not knowing where to go.

The rain kept falling on my shoulders, while thoughts were running freely across my mind. All I ever wanted right now was to disappear, to run away, to escape... from myself. Sigh. It was one of the those moments when I hated being me, when I hated being Danny Saucedo.

I’ve begun to walk aimlessly in circles across the streets. I was trying to find something, the light in the end of a dark tunnel, while not even knowing what was I exactly looking for. Or more correctly, I knew it, tough it was too late.

He was gone, far away.

I let the raindrops to wash away all what was left of me, I sighed, and turned my back to everything – everything I ever was once.

When I got back home, Janna was waiting for me in the salon. She was looking at me with questioning expression, and I didn’t even bother to look at her back.

There we were, in total silence, silence filled with tension – that could be turned into an explotion every second.

-“It can’t go on, Danny. Let’s talk it over.” Janna said suddenly, and sighed.

-“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m leaving. It’s over.” I informed here, with a cold, cruel voice – feeling horrible, guilty. I did not recognize myself.

-“Well, if that’s... what you want... Good luck, Danny. I wish you all the best.” She said, and ran out of the room with tears in her eyes.

And I? I simply walked away.

Walked away from my old life, to start another one.

I have found my own way. I have choosed my direction.

But, I don’t know where it goes – where it will lead me.

I felt horrible. I felt as if I was nothing.

At first, I wanted to go back – back to Janna, to Eric.
I wanted to go back to the past.

But then, then I realised I simply can’t.

If once, I had a reason of being, a reason to go on, to follow the path of life.

Now, I have lost it all. Not even a slight is left.

I have reached the end of the tunnel, but there was no light there. It was simply the end. I stopped having believing in myself, and now, there was no one to have believe for me.

I was walking aimlessly around the streets of Stockholm,
my beloved home town.
I attempted hard to forget myself, my live.
I attempted hard to be simply forgotten.

There was only one way known to me to do this. And the thought of it made me realise I was on the edge, one step away from the end.

Once, when I was a little fourteen years old boy, I travelled with my Leo, my brother, and Dave, my cousin to Bolivia – the country I come from.

At one of the days of our visit, Leo and Dave took me with them to the local bar. There, we got drunk. So drunk, that personally, I was lying at the street helpless, with a hangover that lasted for the next two days.

I swore to myself that I will never get drunk to that point of loose again.

Until today, I kept my promise. But tonight, I left it all behind and crossed all the lines I once swore to myself I would never do.

I went to one of Stockholm’s bars. It was not that kind of common bars in the town, neither it was counted as a safe place to be.

After few shots of Beer, followed by few shots of Whiskey and Vodka – I was already officially drunk. But, it did not gave me the feeling I was hoping it will.

Then, I realised, that there’s only one way to get the disired effect.

-“Do you know where to get LSD?” I asked the barman, catching him off-guard.

-“What do you want? We don’t sell this stuff here.” He said, hesistating.

-“Sure you do, come on, I’m not a cop or something. I need this trip now.” I ensured him.

-“Money, please. Now.” He ordered.

-“Here you go!” I said, and handed him the money.

-“Go to the toilette, I’ll see you there. You know, man, those kind of things aren’t done in the daylight.” He told me.

-“Daylight?” I said, grinning.

-“You know what I mean...” He said, rolling his eyes.

-“Yes, I do. See you there.” I said, stood up, and followed his instructions.

-“Alright...” He replied, before I left.

I waited at the toillette for few minutes until the Barman appeared. In my opinion, this was the worse toilette I’ve ever seen in my whole life.

-“Here you go...” He said, and gave me some pills of LSD warped in toilette paper.

-“Thank you.” I said, took them, and rushed away from that distusting place.

When I was outside, an inner war started deep inside me.

One side told me to stop this, to throw the Godamn pills away, and get back to the normal life I used to have.

Another side told me to it is impossible, and I should simply swallow the pills, because eventually there’s nothing left for me.

I remembered from what Dave used to tell me that drugs are horrible, that I should stay away from them – and not repeat his mistakes, mistakes that lead him straight to his own death.

But, at the time I was considering my options logical thinking was not something I had. So I simply swallowed one pill, and waited for the reaction.

The reaction did not keep me waiting for a while. Suddenly, all the sadness, the emptyness, the pain... all of them disappeared.

They were replaced by bright lights that blinded me, and beautiful colours that amazed me with their beauty.

I was truly happy. All my problems were far away behind me.

Hipnotized by the lights and colours, I swept throught empty Stockhom’s streets. This time, I wasn’t looking for an escape – because I’ve found it. I got what I wanted, was it what I need? At that point this question did not bother me. I wasn’t considering the effects or thinking about the consequences.

It was getting late, I happy walked round and round throught the streets surrounded by the beautiful twilight lights.

I was so happy that I was singing and dancing in the streets. Yes, I might have seemed to be crazy – but again, it did not bother me at all.

As much as I tried to deny it, deep inside me I knew that I just can’t ignore what people think of me. As much as I wanted to seem strong and confident – in fact I was neither of these. I was like a vapor in the wind.

Suddenly, all my complexes vanished away. Suddenly, I was free – like a bird.

I even felt that I could fly away... away from all the mess in my life.

I was free. My body, my souls – were free.

I kept on singing and dancing in the streets to the moonlight.

Few hours passed, and the effect of the first pill

I had another two pills with me, and I wanted very much to increase the effect the first one gave me. I did not knew by the time what it could do, I did not even think about the consequences. I simply swallowed those pills.

It hit me like an hurricane. Suddenly, I saw nothing but darkness.

The pain was unreal, no words could describe it. I fell, I fell down on the ground, unable to move, incapable to get back up.

Slowly, I was fading away... to the darkness.

No one could save me.

I was unvisable.

No one could hear me.

I was unable to raise my voice.

Surrounded by total darkness I was losing myself, not knowing if I will ever find myself again. I bought a one way ticket to a two race train.